Movie Star Blog

If you already thought Tom Cruise was nutty, what with his fist pumping, couch dancing, psychology-dissing, drug claims, and Scientology espousing, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. He also believes in past lives and that he was once Shakespeare:

Tara Reid is awesome. If I had a daughter, I’d want her to be just like Tara, except for the part about her being a drunken whore. But other than that, and maybe the Frankenstein tit-job, I’d want her to be an awful lot like Tara, except with a tad more dignity, and perhaps some class. Oh, yeh, and she’d have to find a way to not show her ass or cooch so much. And of course, I’d tell this Tara-esque daughter not to get so Russian-soldier-drinking-rocket-fuel wasted everywhere she went. I guess I’d also let this hypothetical daughter that it is never a good idea to let someone take your picture when you are so stumbling drunk you can’t even keep your eyes open. Other than that, I will let her know that there is no higher goal than to be just like Tara Reid.

This is just too funny not to pass on. Lisa sent it to me; it's Jamie Foxx singing the Brady Bunch.

I have a great idea for Bluetooth placement in a feature film to put them over the top. In the 3rd act climax of a hijacking thriller, when the undefinably-ethnic terrorist is finally wrapped up by our hero (a crusty but benign retired cop–think Harrison Ford/Nick Notle) and they grapple on the floor in first class, our hero reaches out and yanks the Bluetooth headset from the terrorist’s ear and jabs it in his eye all in one motion. We get a good shot of the logo of the headset on the closeup of it in his eye. Our hero says, “You’ve been disconnected.” Or some other great line. We can work on this–maybe you have some ideas. But the message will be as clear as the reception on your phone: Bluetooth defeats terrorism. Think about it, Bluetooth. I’m available for copywriting.

Why does Tara Reid get paid money to be the drunken slutbag that she is? It's like people weren't getting to see it for free before E! stuck her on television. I'm sure her parents are so proud to see her up on the small screen with her fucked-up lipo stomach and fake boobs, chugging down bottles of Dom. This is the best we can do in the way of female role models? You know, I always wanted to one of the reporters on E! I want to be the person who does the "up close and personal" celebrity interviews because I'd ask them real questions.

The trailer for Jarhead was just released. It’s definitely going to be an Oscar contender. Director Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition) is giving us a soldiers-eye-view of the first War in Iraq - Operation: Desert Storm. I predict that Jake Gyllenhaal (Donnie Darko, Proof), Jamie Foxx (Ray, Collateral), Peter Sarsgaard (Garden State, Boys Don’t Cry), and Chris Cooper (Adaptation, Seabiscuit) will all have great chances of nominations come awards season because of this film. It looks like the most personal-level (focused on characters instead of explosions) war film since Full Metal Jacket, considered by many to be the greatest war film ever made.

Anyway, the play was made into a movie starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Anthony Hopkins. I don’t know if a release date has been set, but the trailer is available here. I am very excited about this movie. Honestly, the play is perhaps my favorite of all time. Hmm.

Jennifer Aniston is a liberal who enjoys taking shots at George W. Bush; Democrats in Congress, start taking notes: you have yet another political expert supporting you! If Jennifer is as articulate in voicing her political positions as she was on Friends, we may, like, look forward to a few laughs. I’m sure conservatives are happy to have another empty-headed blonde on the other side.

Also, Brooke Burke is an idiot. Even when she's supposed to sound like she's improvising, you can tell that she's reading. And could she be more MONOTONE?!

Whatever becomes of this possible acquistion, Spielberg is teaming up with Harrison Ford for the fourth Indiana Jones, so he is far and away not leaving the director’s chair. I wonder if this will make his films more interesting. I really haven’t been excited about anything from Spielberg since Jurassic Park (1993). AI was godawful, WOW did not have the wow-factor. Shrek? Good for the kids but a few too many fart jokes to hold my interest. Didn’t even get through the sequel.

Inexplicably, Hollywood still loves to hate Nixon. I say ‘inexplicably’ because Richard Nixon has not been president for over 30 years, yet chi-chi Hollywood liberals still ostentatiously parade their Nixon-loathing in public as a kind of rusty badge of honor. And so today comes news from Variety that Gwyneth Paltrow, Meryl Streep, Annette Bening and Jill Clayburgh have signed on to star in the ‘historical drama’ Dirty Tricks for Paramount. The film is based on the John Jeter play which essentially lionizes Martha Mitchell (wife of Richard Nixon’s attorney general, John Mitchell), who stumbled onto evidence of the Watergate break-in.

High concept gimmick movies can go either way – they can be works of sublime genius, or confused, muddled messes. Twenty Bucks (Sony, Rated R, DVD-$24.96 SRP) – which follows a $20 bill from the ATM to the bank shredder, and all the lives it touches in-between - is of the former category. The gimmick works in large part to the cast – which includes Christopher Lloyd, Brendan Fraser, William H. Macy, Elisabeth Shue, Steve Buscemi, and Linda Hunt – with a few genuine surprises, and a lot of comedy, along the way. The DVD features a pair of audio commentaries with the cast & crew, and a pair of behind-the-scenes featurettes.

Also Friday, Sci Fi is showing Epicenter, which stars Traci Lords. What the HELL. I don’t think I’ve seen any Traci Lords “movies”. She’s old, man. For a pornstar. Well, I don’t know if she’s still “acting”. For a PERSON. But yeah, it’s just one of those names that sticks. I should start introducing myself with my last name too. Actually, no. Because that’ll just confuse the fuck out of people. And I’ll get mad and shit.

One of the judges I work with was the lawyer upon which “Philadelphia” was based. He is very businesslike and fair inside the courtroom, and a hoot outside. He says they did a fair job on the story but that he’s much better looking than Denzel Washington. He’s a good man, loves his family and wants to help if he can.

(On a sidenote, I am stunned by the hatred directed at Tom Cruise by friends of mine. He was a dipstick who made good movies his whole career, now he’s a dipstick who makes good movies. Whatever. Scientology is nuts, if it takes Tom Cruise to make you realize that, great, but the man’s got a right to be nuts. Who cares?)

Interesting concept. However tacky at times. Jessica Biel dropping through trees after having to bail out of her plane, remaining conscious, narrowly avoiding falling, burning debris, talking to command the entire time, but looses contact the instant she hits the ground is so damn tacky & cliche. Typical wing-man movie. I didn’t want to see Jamie Foxx die & have Josh Lucas be the stupid-ass hero. This moving is nothing but tacky. But a good action flick to watch, maybe? Wasn’t worth the money to see it in theaters. It was an alternative to the crowds on Dukes of Hazzard opening weekend. I let the paper influence my decision to see Dukes of Hazzard. I probably would have had more fun and thought better of spending my money on a movie had I seen Johnny Knoxville acting stupid & Sean William Scott being his typical doofus. But, then again, I hate characters like Jessica Simpson. Well . . . I hate Jessica Biel too . . . so I’d be SOL either way. Maybe I should have seen Dukes of Hazzard just to see Willie Nelson act old but cool & Burt Reynolds try to be more of a douche bag.

Damian Chapa wrote, will direct and plans to star in feature I.R.A.: King of Nothing, which will begin shooting in Belfast, Northern Ireland, later this month. Joe Estevez, Lori Singer and Rachel Hunter co-star reports Variety. I.R.A.: King of Nothing tells the story of Bobby O’Brien (played by Chapa), an I.R.A. member who is not happy with the modern-day version of the movement. He believes the only way to achieve Irish independence is through violence, almost derailing the peace process.

My wife’s mind is abuzz at the design possibilities with access to such technology: illuminated wallpapers, illuminated pool liners, illuminated flags, an illuminated Brooke Burke autographed swimsuit calendar! (edit: OK, OK! Brooke was my idea, not yours. Happy?)

Sandra Bullock was spotted selling cakes and other confections at the grand opening of her sister's bakery in Montpelier, Vt. yesterday. Gesine Bullock-Prado and her husband, Ray, converted a closed neighborhood market into Gesine's Confectionary, a gourmet pastry shop and bakery.

The ‘Millennium Falcon’ miniature building set piece used in the Harrison Ford and Ridley Scott masterpiece Blade Runner. This large-scale set piece which began life as a Millennium Falcon miniature constructed by an ILM model maker, appeared in the cityscape overflight scenes of Blade Runner, standing upright and lighted as a building in the acid-rain soaked future city.

Bike bloggers around the world are following the lead of BikeBiz in telling us (once again) that Lance's Life will hit the silver screen. Matt Damon wants to play Lance, and Matt is Lance's choice. Matt is into cycling. Matt is atthletic and disciplined. Matt and Lance are friends. Seems like a good fit. File this under "old news."

If you plan on seeing the movie The Island with Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson, you might want to skip this post since it will contain a few spoilers. In my opinion, The Island is a total piece of shit. But being a science fiction movie addressing possible problems in our future, it can’t help but contain a few ideas. The biggest idea I found to wrap my mind around while the mindless chase sequences and nonsensical violence filled the screen was the idea of “the Island” itself.